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New Year New You?

Moving away from extremes and finding the beauty of balance

31st December 2016


New Year is an opportunity for change on every level. However every year a high percentage of people aim high and then disappoint themselves by not being able to stick to their good intentions. Behavioural psychologists will tell you it's all down to belief, mindset and determined repeated actions and that is of course true for some people but not all. Some people are motivated by pushing themselves to an extreme and doing drastic things to lose that weight, stop that bad habit and achieve their goals. As a therapist I meet a lot of people trying so hard at life but who are continually beating themselves for failing and I've been there myself with my own challenges. People somehow get caught in an addictive pattern of pushing themselves, falling off the wagon and then beating themselves and falling down a slippery slope back into the pattern they are trying to break.

My sense is that we as a human species are massively out of balance and part of the way that manifests is our obsession with the physical bodies and our denial about climate change. Our bodies are incredibly valuable and we should prioritise our health but not at the expense of our souls or our planet. Maybe we are just so comfortable with extremes - we love hot yoga, high intensity workouts, instant gratification and results. If we continue to push ourselves to change in forceful and sometimes violent ways then it is no surprise that those changes will not be sustainable. That pattern is mirrored in the many extreme ways we take from the earth's resources without considering the long term consequences.

For a change to be sustainable it has to support the natural balance of life and it has to be enjoyable. If we move away from extremes it means letting go of 'perfectionism', 'narcissism' and generally 'wanting to look good' and instead embracing balance, acceptance and gentleness. We've done pushing ourselves to extremes and where does it get us? It brings us long term injuries, frustration, hopelessness and self-rejection. Living in extremes is part of living with addiction and in order to break the cycle of addiction and really heal these deep seated wounds we need to soften inside and learn to be kind to ourselves and the way we bring about change in our lives. This is the valuable work that can be done in therapy.

So in the New Year as well as thinking about your health also consider your wellbeing and what can you do to bring about a greater balance in your life? Maybe the change we need to bring is inside and maybe that will ultimately lead to us bringing about the external changes we long for. Here are some small gentle changes for the soul and body:

  • Start each day with one beautiful, powerful positive thought
  • Integrate yoga, pilates and meditation into your workout routines
  • Allow yourself some 'nothing time' to just write, daydream and be - even if only 5 minutes
  • Remove your phone from your bedroom and use an alarm clock instead
  • Prepare fresh heathy food with love and that makes you feel good when you eat it
  • At work stop and find out really how people are instead of diving into business - even just for 5 minutes
  • Give the people you love big extended hugs - over 30 seconds triggers positive hormones
  • If you fall off the wagon with your New Year's resolution - you are only human and start again tomorrow (the key here is to be kind to yourself)
  • Consider trying out a spiritual practice because it will fill that void that nothing else will fill!
  • Count your blessings - and affirm what you have and guess what - it will multiply ;-)

Balance is our life's work and an art form - but there is nothing more beautiful. How can you bring about a greater sense of balance and wellbeing? Please share your thoughts below. Happy 2017 xxx


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