What is therapy really about?

Trauma Dumping or Alchemy?

29th December 2022

---

Here we are on the cusp of 2023……all a bit fragile. Whether we are aware of it or not the past couple of years have taken their toll on our wellbeing. Many are reporting energy loss, feelings of overwhelm and grief. It’s only to be expected given the emotional turbulence in every household.

I see one common denominator in those who are really thriving at the moment and that one thing is a really good support system. Most of our major wounds occur when there is a sudden collapse in our support system – the death of a loved one, the loss of a relationship, a job or the collapse of life as we knew it. Nobody does well in isolation or alone in their anxiety or misery. This is why therapy works. I’ve been doing this a while now and it never ceases to amaze me how most people really don’t get what psychotherapy has to offer. Here are some myths I find myself busting on a daily basis:

1.Therapy is all about dragging up the past. Yes it most certainly can be about looking at the past but more around the story you tell yourself about it. We all have a history but a great therapist is going to help you change the narrative and re-frame internal self-judgements……..not make you share things you don’t feel like sharing. A trauma informed therapist is going to make sure you don’t regress into painful memories but rather find a way to talk around them in a way that feels safe and so there’s no feelings of overwhelm. As the client you are always in control of what you share and how much. Great care is taken to create safety in the space.

2.Therapy re-inforces your negative emotions making them worse. The idea is that therapy provides a space for you to be seen and accepted in the full spectrum of your emotions. But great therapy offers a place for you to sit with your emotions and strengthen your witnessing Self so you don’t get consumed by them. Many of us have feelings we have not been allowed to express openly – it’s healthy to let that happen……even if only once in your life.

3.Therapy is about me, me, me! Actually therapy is a two-way relationship between therapist and client and that relationship and everything that shows up in it is the work! A relational therapist will mindfully bring in their own story in service of the work if it’s necessary. I had a couple of therapists who disclosed similar stories to mine and it was so helpful as I felt alone in my experiences. Once there is a connection between myself and a client I can guarantee that over time all their relationship wounds are going to unravel in the room……..that is the point of the work.

4.Therapy is just talking bla bla bla. Actually therapy can be creative involving artwork, poetry, cards and symbols, dreamwork, active imagination, meditation and movement. I always include the body in the work that I do so that feelings, sensations and energies are all felt and acknowledged too. Everything that communicates is included and even things that are invisible to the eye but felt in the room energetically are named and explored. It is a deeply connected and magical experience.

5.Therapy is expensive. Can’t I just talk to my friends and family – why should I pay for support? The relationship with a therapist is so unique because of the trust that builds over time. I know more about my clients than most of their families will ever know. Yes it costs money but you cannot put a price on being listened to. The value of this experience is transformative and unlike any other relationship you’ve had before.

6.Therapy is a waste of time and money. Therapy is what you make it. If you enter it with an open mind and the willingness to be seen you would not believe what can happen. Most people who resist therapy need it the most. Many resist it because of their ego which makes them think they are above it all or more advanced than the therapist. Ego defenses block the expression of childhood vulnerability which ultimately is the bit where the most healing takes place. After many years of working with my therapist one day I just expressed from the depth of my soul something that I just wasn’t aware was there in me. On that day my therapist held my inner child in such a way that I was able for the first time ever to grow up more fully into my adult self.

So why do it? So many of us are living our adult lives but are still children inside. Therapy can support you to grow in ways you never even knew were possible. People who are fully adult are very rare in this world…….but if you meet them you really are amazed at how you instantly feel safe around them.

If you invest a year or two of your life……..the rest of your life and relationships could be altogether different. It’s a journey worth taking not just for you but for your entire family because as you change it frees them up to do the same perhaps in their own time.

---

More blog posts

---